EXCUSE ME, my blog just farted =/

Wednesday, April 25

thank you so much ailin che che for putting the password in place. i cant afford any more of my privacy to be invaded by They Who Conceived Me. sorry for the inconvenience!

i dont think i could ever trust them again.

i couldnt help it, i purged again tonight. i ate tahu telor too fast and felt so full. i should migrate to a nice european town. i feel so fat in singapore.

oh i havent replied Dearie! haha. nah, i bet he had to turn his phone off already. and NO, he's not a bf, so save that cheeky grin. he's a dear friend :)

excuse me :X
8:17 AM

Tuesday, April 24

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.

YOU THINK IM CAUSING YOU PAIN BUT YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT PAIN IS. YOU THINK IM SELF CENTRED BUT IF YOU WERENT SELF CENTRED YOU WOULDNT KEEP HARPING ON THE PAIN YOU AND ONLY YOU FEEL. YOU GUYS THINK YOU BLOODY KNOW EVERYTHING. YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME. I HATE THE TWO OF YOU. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? MID LIFE CRISIS GONE OVERBOARD? HORMONAL IMBALANCE BRINGING ABOUT EXTREME SENSITIVITY? SURE, GANG UP ON THE ONLY OFFSPRING YOU PRODUCED. THANK YOU MINGFEN FOR INVITING ME TO LUNCH TOMORROW. YOU DONT KNOW HOW GRATEFUL I AM.

YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING I EAT TOO LITTLE. SO HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH? ENOUGH TO MAKE ME AS FAT AS BEFORE? ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE SATISFIED RIGHT? AND IT DOESNT MATTER HOW I FEEL. I MEAN, OH PLEASE, MY FEELINGS DONT CARRY HALF AS MUCH IMPORTANCE AS YOURS DO! AS LONG AS YOU'RE SATISFIED WITH HOW I LOOK, WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? I WASNT BLESSED WITH THE GENES TO EAT ANY DAMNED THING AND NOT GAIN A POUND, SO FORGIVE ME, OH MIGHTY ONES, IF I SHOULD OFFEND YOU BY WATCHING WHAT I EAT. FORGIVE ME IF I DONT WISH TO LOOK LIKE AN ELEPHANT. FORGIVE ME FOR WANTING TO BE THIN.

I DONT BLAME YOU FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP? I'M VERY MUCH FATTER THAN LAST YEAR, ADMIT IT. IM SO FUCKING FAT I DONT DARE WEAR ANYTHING OTHER THAN TOPS WITH SLEEVES LONG ENOUGH TO HIDE MY UGLY FAT ARMS. AT LEAST I EAT NOW. OKAY? YOU GOT YOUR WISH. I GAINED WEIGHT. NOW YOU DONT HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT BEING SEEN WITH ME IN PUBLIC RIGHT. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?????????

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME TOMORROW? I OFFER AN ATTRACTIVE REMUNERATION PACKAGE.

I REALLY HATE YOU.

excuse me :X
8:24 AM

my feet are eaten with noodles! my eggs are scrambled, poached and fried! my fat is used to soak rice in! IM SUCH A CHICKEN!!!!!!!!! i went out today, despite the rain, intending to go for an interview at taka and when i actually got near tower A of ngee ann city, i turned back! how stupid is that? i decided, nahhh i dont want to work in taka. and before i stepped out of the house, i was all, i hope i get the taka job! ugh. why did i have to be born with the heart of a chicken? anyway, we went to parkway parade at night and i sorta applied for the andersen's ice cream job. haha. but i dont know how to make the stuff! what if my colleagues dont like me! what if make an embarrassing mistake! now you see why i've been unemployed for so long?

gonna meet pao and sushi lian at clarke quay tml! haha.

excuse me :X
7:22 AM

Monday, April 23

haha i got a msg from CY today! well that certainly was a nice little surprise :) i havent chatted with him in ages cuz i lost his number and besides, i thought he would have been sick of talking to me. haha.

my nails are getting annoyingly and bothersome-ly long. i dont know HOW mingfen can stand those long clickers of hers. its a gift bestowed upon her, i suppose. haha. i hate the clickety click and the clackety clack of nails hitting against surfaces. i find it incredibly irritating.

i meant to go to taka for an interview today, but the heavens decided to cry and rain down upon my plans (literally), and im not one who enjoys carrying brollys, so i stayed at home instead. i really really really want to go to the gym with daddy tml, but i dunno if they'll find out im not a member and have been gaining prohibited access to the gym's (limited) facilities. haha. i COULD go to yishun gym, but then ill be running alone and god knows how deep into the depths of loneliness one can fall by doing so.

thats me and the folks at sovereign hill. haha.

excuse me :X
8:34 AM

Sunday, April 22

i went to the gym with daddy today! all he does are weights and leg exercises, no cardio at all. and all i did was run. haha. some of his friends were there, and they're really nice uncles =D the treadmill is in a corner, facing the mirror! so i had to contend with facing my reflection while running. i suppose they mean it to act as a form of motivation. like, oh god, look at all my jiggly bits jiggling when i run. i must run more! the guy before me was totally HOGGING the machine! and he chose this program thingy where it gets harder gradually. no wonder the thing was speeding up!! luckily i reached for the stop button just before i got flung off violently. haha.

i made a smoothie today! an apple smoothie, because we bought too many and they were begging to be eaten. here's what u need for a smoothie:

1 cup fruit
1 cup milk/yoghurt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon honey or artificial sweetener
water or ice cubes

just chuck everything into a blender and voila, out pops a smoothie.

my equal sweetener is gone! at first i thought my dad took it, so i stormed into the room where he was napping and asked him. he said he didnt, so i stormed back into the kitchen and was forced to use *shudder* full cream milk powder. oh god think of all the fat. and then after dinner my mom said she threw the bottle away (which cost 9 bloody bucks) after discovering that the stuff had turned brown. how could she! and here i was suspecting everyone else. haha. i mean, the least she could have done was TELL me that she threw the precious sweetener away. she's a sly one, i tell you.

i made a new friend! his name is jeremy and he was from AJ too! i dont know how he got my email, but who cares? haha. he's a really nice dude too =)

excuse me :X
7:17 AM

Friday, April 20

WELL. today turned out to be just a tenth short of being a blast :) i absolutely LOVE the treadmill. its just one of those things that should belong in the '10 greatest inventions of the century' lists, you know? this guy beside me was a total maniac. i honestly think he was pretending to be running from a pack of wolves. like, whoa nelly! watch that man go! it reminds me of the time in primary 1 or 2 where tat chung, my 'table partner', did an impression of a running man statue. haha. that was pretty stupid. but funny, nevertheless =p anyway, 20 mins per machine is the max for me, owing to my pathetic lack of self discipline. ( i need minyi to motivate me, imagine that)

and can you believe it?! yeah, neither can i! debbie actually drove to the gym! and she also drove us to her house so that she could get changed and we could go to AMK hub. (yes, AGAIN, for the third time this week! =p) it was really fun in the car. haha. i dont think i have life insurance though.

and when we got to her house, i discovered something new! that dogs do the M thing too! hers was a male dog, Pan. and it first tried to do it against minnie's leg but subsequently found ME to be a better alternative!!!! you do know what the M thing is right? hint: Male dog doing the M thing. anyway, it kept coming onto me!!!!!!!! and i kept sorta like pushing it down. A MALE DOG LIKES ME!!!!! DOES THIS MEAN IM A BITCH?!!!!! it kept licking my leg. im like, go Do It on someone your own species!!!

ah mei kaya toast serves humongous portions of coffee/tea/milo! debbie had to rush off to clarke quay for her interview. and she DID look all set to impress. haha. i ate a durian pancake for lunch. and then ham ji lian a.k.a alien lian a.k.a. minyi and i went shopping for a prezzie for her friend who's leaving for taiwan tml.

hooray i bought a table clock! its red and has these itty bitty black legs. haha. it shall be responsible for waking me tml for the AJ funfair =p so far the only people i know are going are alex winnie (thats how his name appears in my phone too), joan, huey eng and their friend. and then in the afternoon, ill be having a mahjong session with the Lians! haha.

the tv beckons, so i shall heed its call.

excuse me :X
7:27 AM

take THAT blogger homepage! how DARE you try to prevent me from signing in to the lians homepage! I AM A LIAN! I AM ENTITLED TO BLOG HERE! liu lian lian 1, blogger.com NIL =Dprison break is on now! but its lets-brainwash-the-gullible-public-with-commercials time now, and thats why im here! also because mingfen, dear ol' sushi lian, stormed into my room, thrust her plastic sword precariously close to my bosom, held me at watergun-point and DEMANDED that this i grace this blog with my most highly sought-after presence. ha. nahhhhhhh, mingfen is the greatest, loveliest, prettiest, smartest lian in the world. *grin*

i hate going out! i saw this f***ing skinny girl at NTUC fairprice that day and im like, screw lady luck man! how come she gets to be so bloody skinny?! its not fair!!!!!!!! i think if she turned sideways, you couldnt even see her at all. and she can probably eat whatever she wants damnit! i bet she can stuff a whole elephant into her toothpick body, digest everything and STILL end up looking like half the width of a bloody chopstick. life is SO unfair. oh buts maddening is that i used to be as skinny as her. and now im NOT. sorry for this outburst of blatant superficiality.

i went to the library today and borrowed this book, '1003 great things about being a woman'. i mean, AS IF we need a book to tell us that. haha. here a few:

>All that time saved by not having to shave your face.

>Want to get out of gym class? Pretend you have your period.

>Hot flashes are useful in the winter.

>Where would the diet industry be without us?

>No prostate problems!

haha. well the last one is stupid no doubt, because then men would say "No cervix/breast problems!" but oh well, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, huh?

debbie asked if i wanted to go to the gym with her and minnie mouse a.k.a ham ji lian tml. im like, GOD yes. take me take me! i want to run till all the glycogen in my body has been utilised and subsequently, all the fat! there's nothing quite as satisfying as finishing a cardio workout. well, except finding out that they have A&W DIET (northpoint only, bloody hell!) and vanilla coke DIET(australia only, bloody hell!) good good! im going to the yishun gym tml. too bad the other Lians cant join us because they're out WORKING AND EARNING MONEY!!

ay, gotta hit the sack now. toodles :)

excuse me :X
7:17 AM

Tuesday, April 17

this little piggy is back from melbourne! has been back for 3 days in fact, but due to the intolerably scorching bloody sunny damned weather, has not had the mood to sit down patiently and blog like a good little piggy should.

i absolutely adore the weather there! it gets so cold in the morning and night, my uncle has to have heated mattresses. and the warmth of the sun can actually be pretty enjoyable! not like HERE where i had to have 5 baths yesterday. im sorry if PUB suddenly announces a water ration.

i just totally love my uncle, aunt and cousins! they're just about the greatest most hospitable family on the planet. i wasnt very close to my cousins, but it was so easy to talk to them and get along with em cuz they're brilliantly friendly, which made the trip a total knockout :)

here is a picture of me and the cuzzies! (and my mom in the background :p) thats clem, me, raphael and josh. arent we just adorable?

we were in the tram on the way to the train station. the tram travels at a lightning speed of somewhere around 20km/h. it would have come last in a snail race. haha. they brought us around the city, cuz uncle henry and aunt june were at work. i can bet my life savings (which dont amount to much) they were bored shopping with us!! i mean, they LIVE there whereas im new to all the sights and sounds. haha.

they're just so cute and their accents sometimes make it hard for me to understand them. and like a fool, i would go, 'huh? huh?' haha. see that bag on the seat behind raphie? THAT CONTAINS YOUR PRESENT, AILIN CHE CHE! =p of which its contents will be made known to you after tonight.

oh god i just remembered my weirdo dream last night. i dreamt that i could only get a role in some play if i could master the art of evil laughter. huilin you were in it too! dare i bring this up to a dream analyst?

i went out with the lians yesterday! ham ji lian wasnt there though, she had to go ruin some poor kid's future by giving him tuition. haha..plus she's bringing in massive dough with it! what, 12 an hour??! come ON!! =p

we went to pepper lunch at AMK hub. one waiter was really nice. he was so polite and smiley. but another one told me to move my bag with a 'miss, dont mind your bag'. what nonsense. of course i dont MIND my bag. if i did, i wouldnt have bought it in the first place. Loser. by the way, im liu lian lian. haha.

well im off now to serangoon central to get some milk. chocolate, banana or strawberry? the red bean soya milk we bought yesterday is SO unsatisfying. strawberry it is!

excuse me :X
10:38 PM

Wednesday, April 4

im going to melbourne today! 4 of the most beautiful people on earth have sent me their farewell wishes. thank you ailin, huilin, joany and jun kiat! haha. byebye!

excuse me :X
9:12 PM

Tuesday, April 3

SCREW YOU, HAIRCLIPS! stupid lousy material hairpins which rust so easily! how the heck am i supposed to put rusty hairpins in my hair without fearing an infection of SOME sort? whatever. out with the old, in with the new. haha.

well i met mr chua's brother today and he handed me The Bag =p i must say, it was a pretty amusing meeting. we were conversing, no doubt, but in different languages. haha. he spoke to me in chinese and i answered in english. i wonder if he had noticed it too.

aaaanyway. i watched 300 with the Lian Gang last night. haha. its a swell swell awesome awesome good good cool cool show. in fact, its one of the few worth-paying-good-money-for shows i have ever watched. seriously! maybe im just a sucker for ancient battle scenes. and the music makes it even more dramatic and magnificent. it makes going to war actually look cool. haha. if there's a lesson to be learnt, its that too much pride can kill. the king's annoyingly curly beard growing from his chin was just too...curly not to pay attention to. i swear, half the time i was staring at it, tempted to snip the damn thing off. haha.

JK was so nice to wish me a smooth trip to aus :) he says its tiring being in the navy. aye aye captain! haha. i wonder if he'll get to read this.

Happy belated birthday zhiliang! i sent him a msg yesterday (a first =p) i bet he thought i would forget or something. well i DIDNT!

my mom bought new, trendy, hip shoes. NOT. they are what you might call Aunty Footwear. i suppose its not her fault shes drawn to anything that screams "buy me! i guarantee to enhance your auntyness!" and she stubbornly claims she isnt one. haha. but who am i to judge? i dont give a shit about fashion anymore.

ah crap. The Parents wanted to eat macD tonight and so i, The Child, had to go along, albeit grudgingly. i actually ordered a chicken foldover, but who knew the damned thing would be big enough to feed a small african village, so i exchanged it with mom's filet-o-fish. and then i timidly ate several fries. what a harrowing experience tonight's dinner was. why cant everything be boiled or steamed or grilled? then no oil need be used. damn you, macD.

excuse me :X
9:33 AM