here's a pic of me on my first day of nursery school! ailin and my aunt came to see me off. im the little cutesie on the extreme right, f.y.i. haha.
today is officially, as declared by me, day 1 of The Diet. i hope my current steely determination does not waver and fade.
stupid mom. she says she doesnt want to go to work because she's 'worried' about me. she's afraid ill go skip my lunches again. welllll i cant say for certain that i wont, but at this rate it doesnt matter ANYWAY because she's not going to work ANYWAY. crap.
eveyrtime i lie in bed, i think about what i can blog about the next day. it just comes naturally. haha. the curse of being an insomniac. and then i come up with snakingly long mental lists of all the stuff i wanted to blog about, but then stupidly enough, my very reliable and very trustworthy brain (not) manages to shove these thoughts to some forgotten crevice in the back of my uh, cerebrum by the time morning rolls around and i am clear-headed enough to remember my pre-sleep thoughts.
my friend, she-who-shall-not-and-need-not-be-named-for-obvious-reasons, told me in an sms that she felt moody and angry upon waking, for no apparent reason. and i told her thats EXACTLY how i felt only a few weeks ago! i wasnt talking to anyone in my family, i would go out with a face blacker than snow white's hair and would be silent the whole journey. i would look into every mirror and scowl in unconcealed disgust at the blob of blubber scowling back. i hated (still do) my reflection, my life and everyone in it, even though technically that would be unfair. and then suddenly one day i just...stopped feeling so terrible. i didnt get HAPPIER or anything, just not so forlorn and expressionless. maybe it was cuz the anti-depressants ran out. so i told her that it was probably a phase she would soon be free from. i believe that she's able to do that on her own, without the help of chemicals. unlike me, unfortunately.
